However, Black men are twice as likely to marry outside their race than Black women, and there is a unique, community issue of some Black men explicitly not wanting to date Black women at all, which isn’t as common in other races.
There is no problem with a Black man dating interracial, but it becomes a problem if he refuses to date Black women based on stereotypes, preconceived notions and unconscious self-hatred.
You don’t need to throw it in his face that you can make it without him or any man.
Instead, show him the places you do need him, because love, affection, companionship and sex are things you likely still want from a man. Some Black women don’t want to say how they feel lonely without a man, how they feel, out of all their success, he’s the only thing truly missing, and how they want nothing more than to give all of their love to a Black man, because, often times, if a Black woman is vulnerable and honest about those feelings, she’s called desperate by Black men. Also, while a woman shouldn’t pursue a man purely for his money, if you really want to be a provider and contribute financially to her life, you can’t turn around and get mad when an independent woman asks you to pay a bill just because “she got it.” The idea that a White woman knows how to submit and let a man lead, while a Black woman does not, is both contentious and false. Will Black women submit in the same speed and to the same type of Black men as a White woman? There’s an expectation that every man should be the leader, and his woman should submit to him.
However, just because a Black woman may not need a man to be a provider, this doesn’t dismiss her need to have him as a partner.
Some Black women feel the need to show off that they can take care of themselves because of other complaints from Black men that there are Black women who are gold diggers chasing money or “moochers” trying to get money by having children and collecting child support.
It ties in historically with the above issues with White women traditionally being painted as more docile and Black women having to fill male roles that White women just haven’t had to fill. However, what about the man who does not have good leadership skills, the man, who if followed, could lead a woman astray, the man who is weak-minded and weak-willed, the man who is not a good man?
Some of these women use “I don’t need a man” to say: “Hey, we’re not all like that. You’re successful, stable and have enough self-love that you don’t need a man, but you want one, right?
You’ll see how quick we are to point out our issues with the other gender, but rarely accept hard truths about our gender or do anything to change them.
What if we started thinking of solutions, instead of just the problems?
You know all too well the struggles a Black man must deal with, so don’t add unnecessary stress to his day. You can tell a man that you have an issue with him without getting loud or “turning up,” because it’s true that it’s not what you say, but how you say it.
Before you go off or catch an attitude, ask yourself: Is there a better way to say this? He may be more likely to listen, and if he doesn’t hear you out, then he lacks communication skills and not someone you should bother with anyway.